


Dark Days

by roxtrox7



Category: Naruto
Genre: Depression, Friendship, Gen, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Iruka is the BEST, Mental Health Issues, Naruto's table and mismatched chairs, Sharing a Bed, Snippets, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 13:17:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17488730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roxtrox7/pseuds/roxtrox7
Summary: Yes, Naruto would say he was Bright but light has shadows and Naruto has Dark Days.





	Dark Days

Naruto would describe himself as Bright; not intelligent or clever but loud and garish. He tried to make people laugh, tried to grab their attention with showy tricks and beaming grins. On most days he meant every bit of light he showed. He was a naturally cheerful person who preferred to smile than to brood. A lot of people found his brightness obnoxious or irritating but Naruto was Naruto and being anything other than himself was not an option.

  
Yes, Naruto would say he was Bright but light has shadows and Naruto has Dark Days.

 

When he was very small, before he convinced Hokage-jiji to let him move out of the orphan dorms, Naruto would wake up and have no strength to face the day. His little head was full of, not self-loathing exactly, more like unfortunate truths. He was alone, he had no friends, his caretakers and the villagers hated him for reasons he could not begin to guess.

On Dark Days Naruto would not get out of bed. He would lay still, lost in the gloomy haze of numbness. A caretaker or two would check on him when he did not show up for meals but usually they did not bother trying to get him up and fed.

The next morning he would be fine, Brightness back to full blast.

 

Dark Days were less frequent when Naruto had something to keep him busy. Planning large pranks always kept him in the light. School was usually an alright distraction even though he did not have any friends and couldn’t do most of the work. Somedays though, Naruto woke up and knew he was not going to be painting any doors pink or losing a bunch of shuriken to the woods during target practice.

He woke up one day, having failed the bushin test for the second time nearly two weeks ago, and felt completely numb. Naruto stayed in bed, buried under his many thrift store bought, thread-bare blankets and did not move. His mind brought up that he had been dead last since his first day at the Academy. He remembered Sasuke showing him up at sparring three days prior. He thought about the last test where he had not understood any of the kanji and ended up doodling instead of answering a single question.

Sometime in the afternoon there was a knock at his door. It was unusual enough for someone to knock that it pulled him slightly out of the blackness he had been living in all day. The knock came again and Naruto remained firmly swaddled in blankets. A spark of interest was not going to suddenly return all the strength he had lost sometime the night before.  
The door opened, which at least told Naruto it was another Shinobi.

“Naruto?” Something in Naruto’s chest seized, it was the closest thing to an emotion he had felt all day.

“There you are.” For some completely unfathomable reason Iruka-sensei was standing at his bedroom door holding a bag of takeout. He looked a little bit annoyed but mostly concerned. Naruto was pretty sure Iruka-sensei thought he was more trouble than he was worth but he was a million times better than Mizuki-sensei who he had had the last two years. That still did not rationalize anyone, especially an adult, coming to his apartment.

Naruto locked eyes with the chunnin but did not say anything. Speaking was almost as hard as moving on days like these. “I was worried when you weren’t at school today. I figured I should make sure you hadn’t gotten yourself into any trouble.” Iruka-sensei said with a tight, uncomfortable smile. Naruto knew the man did not like him but he always seemed to try. He was not going to cry, he did not have the energy for it, but he was filled by some dulled version of wonder that Iruka-sensei had gone out of his way to check on him when he did not have too.

“Are you sick?”

Naruto nodded. Sick was not quite right but he had never explained Dark Days before and it was certainly not going to happen during one.

“I thought so.” Iruka-sensei said. “I figured it must be something like that since I didn’t hear any screaming in the village today.” It was a poor attempt at a joke but Naruto felt his lips twitch into the facsimile of a tiny smile. “I brought you some dinner. Be sure to eat as much as you can. And when you are feeling better come early to school and I’ll go over the lessons you missed, okay?”

Naruto nodded once more.

Iruka-sensei hesitated then reached out and pat Naruto’s head. “Get well soon.”

Naruto was not going to cry, because he did not have the energy for it, but maybe tomorrow when he was Bright again he could do something nice for Iruka-sensei.

 

Naruto had his first Dark Day as a genin a few weeks after passing Kakashi-sensei’s ridiculous test.

His so-called team was a complete and total mess. Sakura, for as much as Naruto liked her and was willing to overlook her hurtful words, was being more terrible to him than she had been at school. Sasuke straight up detested him, always had, but something about having to deal with him in close proximity everyday made everything sharper and more personal. Kakashi-sensei was nothing like Iruka-sensei. He was always late and he was lazy and he did not bother to actually teach them anything beyond that teamwork lesson from the test. Naruto had noticed that Kakashi stared at him a lot, usually when he thought Naruto was not paying attention. Maybe Kakashi lost someone the night of the Kyuubi attack just like Iruka-sensei and blamed Naruto.

They had not started any combat-related missions yet and they were not learning anything new and the tedium and the abuse wore away the shiny newness to finally being a real shinobi.  
Today they were supposed to train and do a simple D-Rank mission in the afternoon. Naruto knew he was not going to be able to get out of bed to do any of it though.

As far as he was aware none of his teammates knew about his Dark Days. They weren’t friends at school and Iruka-sensei was good at keep secrets. Maybe Kakashi-sensei knew. It could be in his file since he was sure Hokage-jiji knew even though he had never visited on a Dark Day before. It did not really matter anyway, they were just going to have to get by without him today.

Naruto spent the morning dozing and thinking until someone knocked on his door. It could have been Iruka-sensei, who had a key to Naruto’s apartment since he always brought food on Dark Days butwas respectful enough to knock first. But it was barely afternoon and he should have still been in class. Another knock and Naruto was at a loss for who it could possibly be.

The door opened and there were several courteously loud footsteps, very far apart. Must be Kakashi-sensei with a gait like that.

Sure enough a bright head of silver hair popped through his bedroom door. “Yo.”

Naruto looked at him and waited.

If Kakashi found his silence odd he did not show it. He stepped more fully into the room, his hands on his hips. “Imagine my surprise when I made the extra special effort to be on time this morning and only two of a precious genin were there.”

Naruto highly doubted he was even a minute short of two hours late. He didn’t say anything though because Dark Days steal his voice as well as his strength so he just lay there waiting for Kakashi-sensei to get to the point.

“You have to overcome this.” Kakashi-sensei said, not an ounce of false cheer in his voice. He sounded almost upset, as if he knew he was asking the impossible. “This is too big of a weakness, Naruto.”  
If today had been a Bright Day, Naruto would have been indignant. He would have yelled that Kakashi had no idea what he was talking about. He would have pointed out that Dark Days were infrequent and some years he only had two or three and he never had more than one a month. He would have explained that keeping busy and focused keeps the darkness away which is why he knew for certain he would never have a Dark Day during a mission, only when he was home and too heavy to leave.

He did not say or feel any of this though because today was not a Bright Day and everything was numb.

When it became clear Kakashi-sensei was waiting for some kind of reply or perhaps for Naruto to get up and go on that D-Rank mission, Naruto rolled his head back towards the wall and waited for him to leave.

Kakashi-sensei did not leave for a long time but he did leave.

Later Iruka-sensei came by with food. He cleaned off Naruto’s desk and graded papers for an hour in comfortable silence. And for one second, with all the emotion he could muster through the haze, Naruto desperately regretted graduating.

 

His next Dark Day was 24 days later. If Naruto had been able to feel correctly he would have been concerned since this was the closest together two days had ever been. He couldn’t feel though so he was not worried.

Nothing had improved with his team. Sakura was still dismissing him and hitting him, Sasuke was still treating him like trash, and Kakashi-sensei seemed even more distant from him than he had been before. Naruto was well aware that he was weak and that he could be annoying. That was not so bad. Kakashi-sensei’s disapproving looks that he seemed to save all for Naruto were infinitely worse.  
At the very least today was a day off and while Naruto had made plans to spend some of his newly earned income on things for his apartment that he had been wanting for ages, using it as a Dark Day was not so inconvenient. At least Kakashi-sensei would not show up and give him another lackluster pep talk without the pep.

So instead of finally buying the other three chairs to his breakfast table, Naruto settled in for a day of facing facts and not-quite-sleep. He thought about his team the most. About how he had hoped that becoming a genin would be some grand milestone in his life and everything would turn itself around and there would be no more Dark Days. Numb and detached he could see how foolish that was. He graduated with his class and no one in his class liked him. Shikamaru and Choji were okay and Kiba was the closest thing to a good-natured rival he had but none of them were friends and they all had pre-formed opinions of him that would not vanish just because they were forced to interact more.

If anything more interaction was making everything worse but Naruto had no clue what he could do about it. He could not tone down his Brightness any more than he could overcome his Darkness. Naruto was Naruto and had no clue how to be anyone else. Maybe he could try to spend some non-work time with his teammates. They never went out to eat or visited each other’s homes. Maybe if they could learn to like something about him things would work out okay.

Iruka-sensei came by late with food. He did not have time to stay, he looked exhausted. But he ruffled Naruto’s hair and told him to get well soon and to keep up the good work he was doing as a genin. Naruto did not say anything, because he did not have the strength, but he was fortified just enough to try and plan a team outing.

 

It was a week after they had gotten back from the disastrous mission to Wave when Naruto could not get out of bed. He had three more days of leave before his team was put back into rotation. Sasuke was out of the hospital and fully recovered, Sakura was spending every second with her family, and Naruto had eaten his fill at Ichiruka’s the day they got back and had not left his apartment since.

A Dark Day was inevitable.

He spent the morning dozing and thinking about Haku and how much he loved Zabusa. Naruto loved Iruka-sensei in a similar way, he would die for him and if Iruka-sensei asked Naruto had no doubt he would kill for the man. Iruka-sensei would never ask that of him and that was the biggest difference between two sad, lost boys.

He thought about his team. How Sasuke had looked when he thought the other boy was dead, the burning rage and hot chakra that had nearly consumed him. Sakura, pale and shaking, trying to be brave while everything fell apart around them. Kakashi-sensei who kept not being dead no matter how close it seemed. They were all alive. And Naruto thought that after barely escaping with their lives maybe his team would finally accept his invitation to come over for dinner after missions.

They still were not friends and maybe they never would be but to Naruto they were all precious. The thought of them being dead was a cold stone in his gut.

There was a knock on the door and it was clearly not Iruka-sensei. Another knock and then “Naruto open this door!” It was Sakura’s voice. He was too numb and heavy to feel anything like panic but he still did not want his teammate to see him on a Dark Day, not when her words could bite so harshly on a Bright one.

The door opened because Sakura was a ninja and not a patient one. She stormed into the small space. “Naruto, I know you’re here!” His one pair of sandals was by the door, it was pretty obvious. He was not in the main space, the kitchen/dining room/living room space. There was only the one door to his bedroom and she nearly kicked it off the hinges. “I’ve been looking all over for you for days.” Sakura says. Her hands are on her hips and she looks red faced with the slightest edge of worry.

Naruto does not say anything because he cannot speak. But Sakura does not know about his Dark Days and gets offended by his silence.

“Are you moping?” That edge of worry is gone, only fury remains. “Sasuke is the one who nearly died and he’s been training since he got out of the hospital.”

Naruto does not want to listen to her go on about Sasuke’s perfection and all the ways he is lacking so he turns his face back to the wall and waits for her to leave.  
She does not leave.

“Are you mad at me?” She asks, incredulous. She takes his silence for confirmation. “You’re the one who messed up.” She snaps. “If you had just listened to Kakashi-sensei, if you had done the training like you were supposed to, if you hadn’t gone off and made friends with the enemy.” Naruto is a touch relieved, as much as he can be, that she is not saying anything he has not already told himself and the sharpness is significantly reduced with his lack of emotions.

“You’ve always been such a nuisance.” She continues. “You never tried to learn at the Academy and now you’re bringing us all down. Are you even capable of taking anything seriously? Sasuke almost died because you act like life is a big joke!” She continued along the same vein until her trembling voice went hoarse. She left slamming the door behind her.  
Iruka-sensei came by later with food and righted the few things that were knocked over when Sakura left.

Later, much later, Kakashi-sensei came by. Naruto looked at him and waited for his second dressing down of the day. Kakashi-sensei brought one of the new chairs Naruto had bought in hopes of having company and sat next to his bed.

“It’ll get easier.” He said without making eye contact. Naruto was pretty sure he was lying but just nodded his head.

He woke up the next morning to the empty chair still next to his bed. He got up, showered, and ate the takeout Iruka-sensei had brought the night before. He left his apartment for the first time in a week fully intending to find Sakura and explain himself. He ends up spending the day buying groceries and going over old textbooks he could barely read as a student and not making any more progress now.

The next day he goes to the forest and practices the chakra control exercise from dawn til dusk.

The day after he meets his team on the bridge. Sakura refuses to look at him and Naruto is not going to explain Dark Days in front of Sasuke. When Kakashi-sensei arrives Naruto throws himself into training and manages to earn a single nod of approval by the end of the day.

 

Three days before the Chunnin exams Naruto has a Dark Day. He is supposed to meet his team to go over some last minute strategies and some sparring but it is not going to happen today.  
It’s one of those overwhelming sorts of Dark Days. Lots of little slights and accumulating stress making his body feel like lead. His team is doing better, if only marginally. The brush with disaster sent all three of them into overdrive and they are all stronger if nothing else. Their teamwork is still non-existent. Sasuke is more determined than ever to be a one-man team, Sakura is still mad about Naruto’s last Dark Day, and Kakashi-sensei seems content to let them squabble. He still has not managed to get anyone to come over for dinner.

Naruto wonders how bad it’s going to be, the test. He trusts himself to a certain extent but his class was full of geniuses and prodigies and clan heirs. Most of the others they will face are going to be older and more experienced. The teamwork part worries him the most but its three days away and nothing has brought them together except fear and danger so there is nothing to be done.

Naruto recognized the sound of his front door opening but not the soft, nearly muted footsteps. He looks over his shoulder to see Sasuke, looking very put-upon and out of place in Naruto’s little room.

“You’re late.” He says.

Naruto can’t think. Sakura checking on him last time had been weird but he had not realized that Sasuke even knew where he lived. Plus Sasuke could not stand him, it was not hate exactly since Naruto doubted Sasuke would expend that much energy on him. Yet the Uchiha was standing in the door frame looking irritated beyond anything Naruto had seen.

“Kakashi-sensei sent me.” He offers, which is odd, but the way he is holding himself so stiff and tight he must be uncomfortable. “Sakura wouldn’t come.”

Naruto nodded because that made sense enough. Still he was not getting out of bed today. He turned to look back at the wall. Sasuke was not as prone to passion as Sakura. Hopefully he would decide this whole thing is too much bother and leave.

He does not leave.

Naruto is starting to dislike this pattern of people who act like they don’t care and then refuse to leave him alone. It’s hypocritical and annoying.

His cocoon of old blankets is ripped away leaving him cold and vulnerable. He does not look at Sasuke who is no doubt sporting a self-satisfied smirk or an irritated scowl. Naruto tucks himself into a ball, snuggles deeper into the dirty, bloody training clothes he went to sleep in and waits.

“Get up, dobe.” Sasuke says, clearly annoyed.

He grabs Naruto’s arm and attempts to pull him out of bed but Naruto is heavy like a dead weight, inside and out. Sasuke has to brace a knee on the edge of the mattress to keep from falling after meeting the unexpected resistance. Naruto drags his arm back to his huddled body.

“What is wrong with you?” Sasuke nearly whines.

Naruto does not tell him that it is a Dark Day and it will pass. He does not ask for his blankets back even though there is a cold wind coming through the seams of his bedroom window. He does not tell Sasuke to leave.

Naruto waits and waits and waits.

Sasuke leaves.

Iruka-sensei brings food and quiet company for what little time he can spare. He has extra duties with the influx of foreign nin in Konoha.

At night Kakashi-sensei comes. He moves the chair again and reads in silence until Naruto falls asleep.

The next day he gets up, showers, and eats the food Iruka-sensei brought. He puts on clean training clothes and heads to his team’s usual meeting place. Sasuke intercepts him half way there and drags him into an alley.

“Explain.” He states, arms crossed and looking vicious.

Today is a Bright Day so Naruto is able to feel embarrassed and indignant. “What?” He bites back.

“Yesterday. Explain.” Sasuke repeats.

Naruto refuses to look at him. He’s not ashamed exactly but he feels weak and stupid. Dark Days are no big deal, he reminds himself. Everyone has happy days and sad days. Naruto’s just more extreme than most.

“It’s nothing.” He waves off. “It won’t happen again for a while.”

He attempts to walk past the other boy but Sasuke grabs him by the shoulders and pins him to the wall. “Explain.”

“Why do you care?” Naruto nearly growls. “It’s not going to affect the exams so let it go.”

“It’s already affected this team.” Sasuke growls right back. “Explain.”

Naruto realizes, rather suddenly, that Sasuke does not detest him as much as he let on. Even if it is only as an asset rather than as a person. He also realizes that he has never actually explained Dark Days out loud before. Iruka-sensei sort of figured it out on his own.

Naruto takes a deep breath. As much as he really does not want to, Sasuke is right that it affects the team. He has missed training and missions a few times and set Sakura off pretty badly last time. He’s probably going to get mocked because Sasuke probably doesn’t have Dark Days himself, not like Naruto. Sasuke is going to call him pathetic.

“Explain.” Sasuke says one more time, punctuating it my slamming him against the wall again.

“It’s just…” Naruto starts, unsure. “It’s not a big deal. I’ve always been like this. Most of the time I’m fine but once and a while I just can’t get out of bed.” Sasuke’s eyes are blade sharp. “It never happens when I’m focused on something so it won’t affect the exams or missions. After though… maybe. I’ll probably have a Dark Day after the exams.”

It sounds more childish than Naruto hoped but Sasuke is not yelling at him or calling him weak or useless.

“Dark Day.” It’s not a question but Naruto nods. “That’s why Sakura is mad at you.”

“I can’t really talk. She thought I was ignoring her or something.” Naruto explained.

Sasuke gives a single sharp nod and lets Naruto go. He walks to the mouth of the alley, turns and motions for Naruto to hurry up. They end up walking the rest of the way together and it’s not exactly friendship but it feels pretty good.

 

Naruto does have a Dark Day after the exams just like he expected. It was going to be too much stress all at once and ended up being a million times worse. Hokage-jiji was killed, a lot of people were killed. Orochimaru is a monster, the kind the villagers always accused Naruto of being. The village is still standing though and for that at least, he is thankful. It does not give him the strength to get out of bed.

The old man’s funeral was yesterday, the last thing that Naruto was able to focus on clearly enough to keep the darkness away. Now his smile and his patience and his body are gone and Naruto is too tired and numb to cry or feel anything other than empty.

He does his best to think of other people. Of Gaara who reminded him so much of Haku, of Lee who was so badly injured but has such high spirits, of Kakashi-sensei who was actually terrified for them.  
But his thoughts go back to the first person to ever treat him with kindness, the only person until Iruka-sensei, one of his precious people gone. He does not cry because he cannot cry and it feels a bit like betrayal.

There’s a knock at his door and it opens. It’s not Iruka-sensei, or Kakashi-sensei. It sounds like Sasuke but he is supposed to be having his seal examined today. He looks over his shoulder and their stands the Uchiha looking angry and frustrated.

“Dark Day?” He asks.

Naruto nods.

Sasuke sighs, screws up his face and sits on the floor next to Naruto’s bed, leaning his back against the mattress. Naruto has no clue what he is doing but it’s not like it really bothers him when he’s emotionally dead for the day. Sasuke takes out a Kunai and starts to sharpen it in the silence of the bedroom. He continues like this until every weapon on him is gleaming with dangerous edges and smooth oil. Naruto watches because it’s something to look at and it’s nice not to be alone right now even if the boy in his room barely even likes him.

“Tomorrow you’ll be back to normal.” Sasuke says.

Naruto nods. He always is.

Sasuke stands, goes into the main room, and comes back with an armful of books. Naruto does not have many books, they are a luxury and his limited understanding of kanji makes reading next to impossible. But Iruka-sensei and Hokage-jiji gave him books on occasion and he could never bring himself to get rid of those small tokens of kindness. Sasuke sits back on the floor, opens an old Academy textbook and spends the rest of the day reading.

Iruka-sensei shows up in the late afternoon with enough food for two. Naruto used to wonder how Iruka-sensei always seemed to know but asking questions without answers is pointless when he can’t even get frustrated about it. He greets them both and wishes Naruto well before leaving a few minutes later. Sasuke eats his portion, Naruto’s is put in the fridge.

Kakashi-sensei comes late at night. If he is surprised to see Sasuke reading quietly on the floor he does not show it. He moves his usual chair and reads his own book. They are both gone in the morning but Naruto feels extra Bright.

 

Naruto is alive.

It’s the only good thought he has to hang onto in his cold apartment.

Naruto is alive even though Sasuke tried to murder him. Sasuke who betrayed the village for strength after his brother tortured him. Sasuke who spent the last Dark Day sitting quietly with him until he fell asleep. Sasuke who was so close to a friend that Naruto wept at the loss of him.

Naruto is alive but only just.

It is his third Dark Day since he was released from the hospital two weeks ago and he does not know what to do.

They have never been this close together but Naruto feels hollowed out. Even his Bright Days are dimmed. He does his best to leave his apartment. He visits the newly healed Lee and they train together. He shadows Tsunade when she is doing her Hokage work and does his best to be helpful. He brings Sakura lunch at the hospital even though they are not speaking.

He does his best but it’s his third Dark Day and he sees no end in sight.

There is a knock on his door and then Sakura is in his room. She’s exhausted and angry and glares at his prone from as if he is mocking her. She yells, like the last time she visited on a Dark Day. She blames him for everything. And when her voice is hoarse she goes into his bathroom, takes a shower, and then rummages through his closet for some clean pajamas. The pants are too short and the shoulders are too broad but she is dressed and climbs into bed next to him. Her arms are around him, holding him close as she cries.

Naruto wants to cry with her, to share in her sorrow but he doesn’t have any sorrow in him on Dark Days so he holds her and tucks his face into bright pink hair. He feels the dampness of her hair and her tears. He does not let go.

Iruka-sensei comes by later with food for both of them but Sakura is asleep so he puts it all in the fridge before he leaves.

Kakashi-sensei comes at night and sits in his chair and reads. He looks slumped and worried and sad. Naruto wishes he had a bigger bed so his teacher did not have to be all alone.

In the morning Sakura is still there, exhausted. Naruto gets up, showers, and reheats the food Iruka-sensei brought. He coaxes Sakura out of bed and into one of his never used, new chairs and they eat breakfast together.

“That was a Dark Day?” Sakura asks.

“Yeah.” Naruto says. “Sasuke tell you?”

Sakura nods. Her green eyes grow watery but no tears fall. “I’m sorry I yelled.”

Naruto waves her off. “You didn’t say anything that wasn’t true.”

“It still wasn’t okay.” Sakura bit her lip. “You should try to find him.”

Naruto blinked.

“You don’t have Dark Days when you’re focused. You should focus on finding him.”

Naruto did not say anything but there was a tiny spark inside him, not quite hope but close. “Tsunade-baa-chan would have to approve it.”

“I’ll talk to her.” Sakura said.

Naruto smiled, a wide Bright Day smile. “Okay.”

 

Naruto does not expect the Dark Day when he is on the road with Jiraiya. The old pervert keeps him busy and distracted. He’s stronger than ever and still learning. Sasuke is still out there and they have heard several rumors about Sound in their travels.

One morning Naruto wakes up in the field they camped out in and does not have the strength to get up.

A Dark Day has never ever happened when he was not in his own bed. But it has been nearly five months since the last one so Naruto supposes he was overdue. He looks over his shoulder but Jiraiya is gone and so is all of Naruto’s stuff including his wallet. He must have headed off to the next town and expects Naruto to chase him. On a Bright Day he would have.

Today is a Dark Day though and he is essentially all alone out in the open. It’s not safe but his body is lead and his voice is gone. Still he does his best to drag himself into a bush away from their camp ground. The foliage hides him completely and offers some relief from the summer sun. It’s not enough protection from another shinobi but it will have to do until Jiraiya comes to get him or tomorrow morning when his energy is back.

Naruto is too aware of his vulnerability to really doze but he does think. He thinks about Sasuke and how he is doing with the snake monster. He thinks about Konoha and his friends and family there. He thinks about how, for the first time since he was nine, Iruka-sensei is not going to bring him food and say get well soon. That hits harder than anything else, even through the numb haze.

Jiraiya is okay. He’s a decent teacher and he makes everything a challenge which makes learning easier and more fun even though it’s more frustrating. He’s a pervert who keeps getting them thrown out of towns all across the country and he keeps stealing Naruto’s money but he’s okay otherwise. He’s not a mentor/guardian like Iruka-sensei and he’s not an aloof asshole like Kakashi-sensei. Jiraiya is Jiraiya just like Naruto is Naruto and he can appreciate the man for that.

The day wears on, hot and humid. He is physically uncomfortable hiding in the bush and is sweating all over but whatever strength he could have used to undress he used moving and he is just going to have to rehydrate tomorrow. Eventually night falls and with it some relief. The bugs are a new problem but Naruto does his best to ignore them and think.

Jiraiya does not come back.

Naruto sleeps in the bush and in the morning he climbs out, gathers his sleep roll, snuffs out all signs of camp, and tracks his idiot teacher down. Jiraiya is in a brothel chatting with women even though he is clearly hung over.

“What kept you?” The old man asks.

“Nothing.” Naruto replies. “Where’s my stuff?”

Jiraiya hands him his pack which in much lighter than it was before. He digs out his purse only to find it entirely empty. Jiraiya does not look the least bit repentant. It’s a Bright Day and Naruto should lay into him for abandoning him and stealing from him but it’s a dimmer sort of Bright. He is still shaken from the helplessness of the day before. He tucks away his purse, slings on his pack, and leaves.

Jiraiya catches up to him by the end of the day. He refuses to look at the man or acknowledge his words. He is too furious with his own weakness and Jiraiya leaving him vulnerable to be his Brightest self.

“Here.” Jiraiya says when all his wild stories garner no response. A small bag of coins is tossed and Naruto catches it on instinct. He opens it, counts the coins, more than he had had the day before, and tucks it in his pack.

Jiraiya doesn’t say sorry and Naruto refuses to talk to him for three more days.

 

Naruto remembers his last Dark Day. He was nearing the end of his training with Jiraiya. They were in a small town, one without prostitutes or gambling houses. He woke up in the one inn in the entire town and knew he was not getting up. Jiraiya let him be, going off and doing his own thing. Naruto suspected that Sakura or Kakashi informed the man of his episodes. It was an entirely normal, uneventful Dark Day.

The next morning he got up, showered, and headed out.

This Dark Day is nearly three years later. His longest stretch ever. Though that could be due to the fact that multiple maniacs were running around and a full scale war broke out and people were dying everywhere and he had to be strong and focused at all times.

Now he is back in Konoha after what feels like a lifetime. He is in his bed with his cheap thread-bare blankets. Sasuke is back and that fact alone is world-shattering. If this were a Bright Day he would be overwhelmed now that he finally has a moment to stop and reflect on the last several years of his life. But it’s a Dark Day and he can reflect without emotion bogging him down.

So, so much has happened in such a short amount of time. Naruto can hardly believe he just turned 18 a few days ago. The thought of no more war, of no more endless travelling is nearly unfathomable. That now he can be a shinobi the way he had always envisioned, having a home in his village to return to always, is surreal.

It’s too much really and Naruto instead thinks about Sasuke and Sakura and all his precious people who lived through the war. About all the time they now have in the future.

There’s a knock on the door and it opens. Naruto looks over his shoulder and Sasuke and Sakura are standing side by side in the doorway.

“I told you so.” Sasuke says. Sakura rolls her eyes. They both look so different from when they were children, strong and sad and proud. Naruto wants to tell them how much he loves them but he has no voice.

“Move over.” Sasuke climbs into bed and presses close against Naruto’s back. He loops an arm around his waist and settles his pointy chin on the top of Naruto’s head. Naruto thinks about how they nearly killed each other a few days ago and presses back against his friend. Sakura follows, her front to Sasuke’s back and her arm reaching to hold onto Naruto’s hip. His bed is too small for the three of them but they hold on tight and nobody falls.

“I’m sorry.” Sasuke murmurs into bright hair.

“Me too.” Sakura mumbles into the Uchiha’s shoulder.

Naruto can only nod but he knows they understand.

Iruka-sensei comes by in the afternoon with enough food for three and puts it in the fridge. He sits at Naruto’s dusty old desk and works on the new curriculum for the Academy.

Kakashi-sensei comes by late at night and sits in his usual chair and reads his book in silence.

Naruto thinks, with something as close to happiness as he can feel on Dark Days, that even if the Dark Days continue for the rest of his life he will always have precious people to share them with.

 

Sasuke sits at Naruto’s desk wearing his robes and a henge trying to get through as much work as strictly necessary for the day. Today is a Dark Day and very few people know about them and he would like to keep his Hokage’s reputation in order. He stamps and signs and reads through about half the waiting stack. Then he says goodbye to Naruto’s secretary and heads to their apartment.

He removes the disguise when he walks through the door. The robes and hat land haphazardly on the couch. Iruka-sensei is in Naruto’s room grading papers. Sasuke is thankful at least one of them had the day off to sit with the blond.

“Iruka-sensei.” He greets as he settles onto the bed. Naruto looks over his shoulder, his usually expressive eyes flat and dark. When Sasuke does not acknowledge him Naruto looks back to the wall.

“Sasuke-kun.” Iruka-sensei replies. “There’s dinner in the fridge.”

“Thank you.” He says. Iruka-sensei turns back to his work and Sasuke lays down next to his hokage and best friend. Naruto stays still as Sasuke wraps himself around the smaller man’s back and settles in for the rest of the day.

“I’m here.” He whispers into the other’s ear. Naruto does not respond, he can’t talk on Dark Days, but he takes Sasuke’s hand that is pressed against his stomach and holds it tight.

Iruka-sensei leaves several hours later.

Sakura comes home from the hospital after six. She showers, changes, and climbs in bed behind Sasuke, laying her work calloused hand over their joined ones.

Kakashi-sensei comes late at night and sits in his usual chair and reads.

Sasuke hums when he feels Naruto finally fall asleep.

Tomorrow will be a Bright Day. Naruto will make his rounds of the village with Sasuke, his ever faithful bodyguard, at his side. They will do paperwork together and maybe train in the afternoon. And in the evening Naruto will cook a feast for all of them and they will eat at the wobbly table with mismatched chairs that Naruto could not be convinced to leave behind when they moved into a bigger place.

Tomorrow will be a Bright Day and there won’t be a Dark Day for a while but when it comes Sasuke will be there.  
 

**Author's Note:**

> Naruto is absolutely a child of extremes and if he gets furious and boisterous and heartbroken then his depression would be something dramatic but it would also have to be something not contrary to how he normally acts. So I thought what if he just has a day once and a while where he just does not get out of bed because his depression hits him hard like a brick wall and then he shrugs it off the next day and moves on. This would mean everytime other than the parts I write he would still be Naruto, loud and caring and kind.  
> So I thought of four instances: one when he was at the Academy with Iruka, one with Sasuke while they were a team, one with Sakura when Sauske leaves, and one with his team after he is Hokage. Team 7 is the heart of the story for me and that’s what I wanted to focus on and then Jiraiya snuck in there and Sasuke confronted Naruto and it was not intended but it made everything that much more bittersweet at the end. It still feels rather melancholy though because I never really focused on any Bright Days and any that I mentioned were kind of glossed over or dimmed by negative emotions. The negative emotions though show that it’s a Bright Day since Naruto’s depression manifests as bone deep numbness. Which, I don’t know, it better reflects how I experience depression so that’s probably why I went with the infrequent bouts style depression.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
